December 2008
1 post
If you are older than 18 years old you shouldn't...
Why do I know people who like blink 182 anyway? To me, an anti blink 182 stance is like an anti world hunger stance. But even if you ignore all of their other faults, the way that guy sings should sound to you the same way I imagine John Mccains neck tastes.
November 2008
1 post
I do not need movies to use music to tell me how...
This is annoying and lazy. I saw Zach and Miri over the weekend, which was average in all respects, and Kevin Smith is a prime offender here. Has he always been like this? Theres a scene where Seth Rogan is longingly staring at Elizabeth Banks, the actors, they are acting and showing emotion, we know they secretly love each other (SPOILARS). But when “Hey” by the Pixies is playing...
October 2008
1 post
The Bill of Rights is boring, #8 out of #10
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. + super bonus: Free dentistry for everyone for their whole lives!
September 2008
3 posts
The Bill of Rights is Boring (part 7)
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law. In suits at common law where the value of controversy shall not exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by Paperboy shall be...
www.gog.com is a cool website
I feel that it is possibly not the best move to actually endorse a website like this, but if you look at it, you can see how in line it is with my interests. I recommend everyone drop everything, spend six dollars, and install fallout 2 on their work computers right now.
The Bill of Rights is Boring Part 6 of 10
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district where in the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining...
August 2008
18 posts
BONUS DECLARATIVE STATEMENT
The Rocker is a fucking awful movie. Fuck that movie. Fuck it, fuck it. One of the worst movies in years.
The Bill of Rights is boring (ammending...
No person shall be held to answer for any capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal...
The Bill of Rights is Boring (part 4 of 10)
Short one:
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrents shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. Also, once technology allows, and if you are...
The Bill of Rights is boring (part 3 of 10)
Ok, number three, which seems really dated. What the 3rd ammendment supposedly guarantees to you is that the government can’t force you to let soldiers live with you. I don’t know of any times this has been violated but I’m sure it has. Here is my idea:
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a...
The Olympics are fucking boring (bonus stand alone...
Even the athletes are a little bored. Just look into their eyes.
The Bill of Rights is Boring (part 2 of 10)
Ok, on to a controversial choice, The 2nd Ammendment. This is my least favorite ammendment and of course, its the one that is actually upheld! I feel like this one denies me the right to live in a country that isn’t full of guns. Oh well, here is what I’d change:
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear Arms,...
The Bill of Rights is Boring (A 10 part...
You know what I love? The Bill of Rights. It’s totally rockin’. However, people keep tearing it down, trying to change it, trying to fuck with it’s grill. Why? Maybe because it’s god damn boring as hell. As cool as being protected from cruel and unusual punishment would be, if we actually were, it just feels like a given, not like a super fun bonus perk to being an...
There is no good reason to start smoking after...
You can keep smoking after high school because you’re addicted. And you can start in high school because you want to look cool or you are peer pressured into it. 70% of my friends started smoking because another high schooler told them they should. But after high school? That’s fucking monkey business. The power of looking cool and peer pressure are a fraction of their high school...
It's stupid for people to protest Tropic Thunder.
I’m not saying they don’t have the right to or anything. But protesting a movie because people use the word “retard” is silly. The movie is making fun of actors who play retarded characters in order to get oscars/recognition. It’s like Mr. Show with The Crack’d Mirror and The Crack’d Mirror 2: Goin’ Crackers. Who cares? They’re not making...
Those counter top pizza ovens are a waste of space...
I have eaten pizza from one about six times and each time it was no different than pizza from a conventional oven. I guess the selling point is that they cook more evenly and faster, but a decent oven will cook a pizza evenly and at most you are saving 2 to 3 minutes. It’s also ridiculously specialized. How often do you eat frozen pizza that you need a specific appliance solely for it?...
The world does a lousy job of educating children...
And not just the fact that official sex education is woefully undertaught world wide. And not just the fact that there is “Abstinence education,” which is pretty much the same as “not education.” But even the “Streets” and “The Playground” and “My Dad’s Friend Scott Raymon” were lousy teachers. I can’t count the number of...
Both Daredevil and the first (second?) Punisher...
To be specific I’m talking about the Thomas Jane Punisher. Not the Dolph Lundgren one or the new one. And I’m not saying they are necessarily great movies, but both of them are pretty good and get an unfair rap, especially Daredevil. The Punisher was pretty much just dismissed but people talk about Daredevil as if it were, I don’t know, the Fantastic Four or something. ...
Anise is a stupid choice for the default flavor of...
I took a couple days off because I was sicker than I ever remember being. During this time I drank a lot of generic NyQuil and that inspired this statement. I know that anise (AKA black licorice) has it’s fans but it’s certainly not the most popular flavor. It may have been during the days of penny whistles and kids pushing hula hoops around with sticks but it’s not any more. I...
The behavior of men in the bathroom after a movie...
Primarily, what I’m referring to is when there are no open urinals and 2 open stalls and there will be three or four dudes just hanging back, waiting for a urinal. The sit down toilet in the stall is exactly the same as the one you have at home and it functions perfectly well for either form of waste disposal. Just go in the stall, idiots! Does it feel cool to use a urinal? Are you saving...
The soul patch is the worst facial hair.
Nothing screams out aging record exec desparately holding onto his youth like soul patch. Or aging assassin in a Lifetime made for TV movie. Or aging smooth jazz enthusiast. It’s pretty much a stamp you can put on your face that says “I want you to think I’m edgy and relevant but I am anything but. Please ignore me.”
Velociraptors are not the coolest dinosaur.
No one gave a fuck about them before Jurassic Park. They are pretty much just fast guys with knives for hands. Which is cool, but not so cool when compared to the entire dinosaur family. They’re Jesse Owens with Wolverine claws. Which does indeed sound awesome. However, a T Rex is like a big meaty fast tornado who has teeth instead of wind. And I’m not even saying the T Rex is the...
$1.50 is a good price to pay for a big muffin.
Any more and you are not necessarily being ripped off, but you are not getting a good value. Any less and I’m a little suspect of the quality of ingredients.
There is no good reason for two streets in the...
This just makes things confusing. When you are naming something, you literally have infinite choices. Instead of having a Johnson Ave and a Johnson St, why not have a Johnson Ave and a Rhubarb Knuckle Lane or a Turtletime Way. In fact, there isn’t a good reason we should even have the same street name in any two cities either.
Also: there’s no good reason for any street to change...